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Touched The woman, the Spark, sat next to me looking thoughtful. Eventually she drew her knees up and dropped her slender arms over them. Twirling a bit of hay in her fingertips. “Why are you hiding in here, little one?” “The other wolves don’t like me. I am weak…Not like them.” I confessed. “You’re a hound?” “A wolf.” I corrected. Not liking the ugly nickname that Skins often gave my kind. “I’m sorry. I meant no affront.” I bobbed my head. “I suppose this is a pack camp then?” She tilted her head up and looked around. Her red hair splashing over her pale shoulders as she glanced side to side. I nodded. “Why are you  hiding?” I squinted one eye closed, hoping it might force the one closest to her to focus enough I could see her as she answered me. “There is a man looking for me.” She leaned toward me to whisper. “A mean man.” “He wants to hurt you?” “He already has.” She said quietly. Her head fell in a way that told me that the subject made her sad. “I’m sorry.” I whispered. “I wish I was strong like the other wolves. I’d rip his throat out for you.” I sensed her smile. Though I couldn’t see it. “If only it were that simple.” A laughing note entered her voice. “Might I share some of your bread?” I looked down at it. I brought enough to share anyway. “I wish I could see you.” I handed it to her. “You sound so pretty.” “I am actually not as stunning as you might think for what I am. Rather plain actually. But males find me...Irresistible.” “I wish the males here liked me...” I said a bit enviously. “One day they will. You’re a pup yet.” She assured me. “But I sense great power in you. Someday, you’ll see.” “Really?” I looked at her. I heard the humming sound that meant she was agreeing with me. Only then did I realize how clearly I had heard her as she spoke to me. It was unique because generally I could only catch fragmented bits of what others said to me.   *** The barn door grated open. She and I both, silenced. I saw a blinding gold light that I guessed was sunshine off gold armor. The Pyre Army. Only they wore that vibrant gold armor. Everyone in Ferus knew who they were. The most formidable army in the country. Whatever they hunt, they find. I shot the woman a worried glance. Fearing for her. They’re not here for me. I knew. Wolves handled wolf business. The woman next to me squawked and ducked sideways as if in confirmation of my suspicions. There was a ripple of power emerging from that shadow at the door. It told me we were in the presence of something powerful. I knew right away that the man standing in the door was far from a Skin. I sniffed the air and caught no scent. Mother had told me what creatures carried no scent a wolf could detect. “An Eternus…” I hardly realized I’d breathed the word aloud until the man’s head whipped in our direction. The woman and I both ducked deeper into the stall. She nodded tightly. Confirming my guess. I could feel her apprehension. She’s scared. I had never been in the presence of an Eternus before. But I was aware they were some of the most powerful beings in all of Ferus. Only they exuded this sort of vibrating energy. Because she was frightened, I was too. She was so nice and I didn’t want him to hurt her… Just because she’s different than the others! I connected with that point very deeply. I surged to my feet. “You’re not going to hurt her!” I dropped my loaf of bread and took a threatening step toward the end of the stall, wanting to confront the looming shadow in the doorway. The Eternus man stared at me, unmoved. Though I couldn’t see his face, I could feel his cold eyes burning into me. But a sudden grip on my arm stopped me from challenging him any further. I looked down into the blurry face of the woman. Squinting as I tried to see her more than the red flare of hair pouring over her shoulders. “No!” She whispered urgently. Her grip tightening almost painfully. “Don’t get between he and I. He’ll cut down anything that keeps him from me.” My blurred gaze slid from the hazy outline of her face down to where her shadowy hand gripped my arm. I reminded her. “You said we shouldn’t touch.” “Oh, no.” She released me and fell back. Her voice trembled with fear. “I’m so sorry!” I watched her crawling away from me in horror. Her hand went to her face, likely to cover her mouth as she chanted. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” What did she do? I gaped at her in confusion. She didn’t get a chance to answer because I was about to find out in my next breath. Then my organs began to vibrate, quaking against my skin as if they were going to leap from my body. There was a bloom of fire that exploded in my blood. Turning it into lava in my veins. In moments I was writhing in pain. Soon, it would prove to be the worst day in my life. I didn’t know what happened to the Spark and the Eternus man. I was too consumed by my pain to notice. I heard the woman murmur another desperate apology from somewhere distant in my subconscious. But I couldn’t care. I was in too much pain. I hardly realized when screams had began spilling from my throat. A long series of excruciated cries that echoed on forever in that hollow stable. My body was bouncing over the hay as every muscle inside me disconnected and rewired. Every part of me was untethering. The pain was unlike anything I had ever felt. A sentiment carried in my visceral wails. The entire camp heard me. Perhaps, I should’ve been scared that one of the other wolves would come kill me, but concise thought was impossible in that moment.   It was the Alpha’s sons that found me first. The Gallions boys. Jamie and Ajax. They were first to rush into the stable and check on me. I heard the low tones of boys arguing. Then one left. Soon he returned with my mother. She hurried in and demanded of the one next to me. “Ajax! What’s wrong with her?” That told me it was Jamie that had gone to get her. Thank heavens, someone did! I thought. Throwing my head sufferingly side to side. I didn’t know why they had chosen to help me instead of letting me die but I was grateful, nonetheless. I convulsed. Lightning currents striking through me as if a thunderstorm raged beneath my flesh. The pulsing beats seared my skin. My bones felt as if they were shattering than reforming, twisting, beneath my flesh. Everything inside me felt as if it was either trying to realign or destroy itself. My burning bloodstream had entered each of my organs, turning them molten too. My fingers and toes twitched against the layered pain taking me over. I faintly heard my mother telling the boys to lift me and carry me to the shack. They struggled to hold onto me because I was spasming so hard. Which made them yelp fearfully. Suddenly I could feel how terrified they were. They think I have the plague. I guessed. Even I, was beginning to wonder. What was the worst day soon expanded into the worst night of my life. I spent it sweating and rolling side to side, curling into a ball and clutching my stomach as if I could stop the tearing inside me. “Baby girl. Please!” Mother cried as she rubbed a hand over my back. Trying to soothe me. “What is it?” “My body is ripping itself apart.” I sobbed weakly. “The Spark…” Her touch is destroying me! I wanted to tell her but I couldn’t get the words out. *** It took hours of agony before I would realize what was happening. I heard a howling in my mind. A strong, steady sound. Unlike any I’d heard from my wolf before. At first I didn’t recognize her. She doesn’t sound weak and malformed. She was calling like every other wolf I heard beneath the pink moon. She was wrathful, and forceful, banging against the layers of my flesh to emerge. I was so terrified that I didn’t want to. I feared what would happen when I suffered in that form. I could hurt someone. Hour after hour ticked by. And I was changing anyway. First my hands and feet were replaces by short paws with claws. Then my legs changed angles, folding different directions. Some of which were foreign to my human body and extremely painful. Most wolves endured their first change when they were too young to recall it. And every turn after that, especially when done often, became easier. The Spark had summoned the strength in my bloodline to emerge in its stoutest form. Pulling from me, something I hadn’t known was inside. Or perhaps never was, until she gave it to me. I would spend many long moons wondering that. As my human body weakened from the pain, my wolf’s determination increased. She was pushing her way out. Her snout jutted from my mouth and stretched my face. Folding my eyes into new sockets. “Please baby.” Mother held my hand to her lips. Begging me. “Fight it. We don’t know what the others will do if they scent her. They could hunt you. They’ll smell how broken your beast is.” But I couldn’t. I was too tired. Too weak. Just before dawn, she won. The Spark’s power had done its work. It had overwhelmed every human part of me and given my beast strength she’d never possessed before. I quietly let her take over. I dragged myself to the edge of the bed my mother wasn’t sitting on. I fell over the side with a dull thunk. Dropping to the floor and twisting onto my side until all the lumps of fur had completely wrenched their way through my skin. My spine crackled like rocks tumbling from a bank. Everything in me had broken. Now, I was reborn. I rolled to my feet as a wolf and instinctively shook myself. Throwing globs of bloodied skin all over the floor and walls. They hit with sickening slops. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to their new orbits. I focused my gaze and was so startled that I tripped backward. I can see. I blinked my huge brown eyes, no longer hazed with blue, at my mother. I saw she’d rushed around the foot of the bed to cover her mouth as she looked at me. There was utter shock written over her face. She stared back at me and her hand slowly lowered. She could tell that I truly saw her, now. “Deva?” She knelt before me. Opening her arms. I rushed to her. Dropping my nose along one side of her neck, then the other before I flattened the bottom of my furred chin over one of her shoulders. Pawing her lap lovingly. I inhaled deeply and smelled everything on her. The hints of flowers from the meadow she’d walked through yesterday. Dust from when she had cleaned yesterday morning. A small scratch that still marked her arm. All of those combined with a scent that I was sure was solely hers. I looked into the lovely face of my mother and saw for the first time. I took in her pretty cornflower hair and sky-colored eyes. She’s beautiful. I thought in awe. Which made me wonder. Am I? I’d always imagined myself as horrifically deformed. Painful to look upon. Now I couldn’t wait to see.

Fate Intervenes Eventually the hour grew late and boy had to guide me from the secret cave and back toward the square boulder. I couldn’t help the disappointment climbing through me as we drew closer to the isolated hut on the outside of the pack. I hate when these adventures end. I wish I could live closer to whichever hut is his home. I imagined a future where one day he and I would love next to each other. And always be close. I was scanning around me, past the flashes of yellow weeds, green trees, and blue clouds until I found his darker silhouette. I squinted hard, trying to see more of his features. I’d love to know what he looks like! He leaned over my hand and gallantly kissed the back of it. As if I were something precious. Rather than a ragamuffin pup in a small camp. It was something that he always did when we were saying goodbye. I took in every detail I could. His height and the precise roundness of his head, though even that was hard to make out. Knowing that he was telling me goodbye for the afternoon. I didn’t want him to go. He was the one thing that was mine. My best friend, my way of seeing the world and all the wonder I got to experience. He is everything. I thought mournfully. I like him so much! I giggled and held my hand out with curling fingers as I struggled to find his head so that I might ruffle his hair. I wanted to feel its texture, because it was a feature I could learn. It felt thick, straight, with maybe some small curls near the back. And it was a little coarse.   More like wolf fur than hair. I thought. It reminded me how different he and I really were. He is more wolf than I am, even in human form. I was sad. I stared hard at him. I heard the rumbling tones with rising notes toward the end that told me he had asked me a question. “I just wish I could see you…” He murmured something soothing back. The words were longer so I could tell he was comforting me. He caught my hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. I listened to the faint sounds that told me he was walking away. I watched his shadow as it grew smaller and blurrier. Until I could no longer make him out, which was only a few steps away. I sighed. *** The boy was my only friend, and he meant the world to me. He was the only one, beyond my mother, that I was close to. I imagined how magical it would’ve been to call him by name. Or to speak to him as he often tried to speak to me. But his voice was just out of the range I could hear well which meant I never knew quite what he said. I don’t even fully get to hear his voice. Higher tones like my mother’s sharper pitch were easier. Still garbled and muffled, but easier. I picked up the long stick I kept by the boulder and fumbled my way back down the hill toward the shack. “Deva!” Mom cried from a distance away. I assumed she was in the doorway of the shack. “I was so worried for you! It’s nearly dark.” “I couldn’t tell.” I said dryly. “You’re not funny.” I shrugged. I saw her silhouette, and the lighter shine of her hair as I got close enough to peer up at her. “Did you have fun?” She asked, calming as I neared her.   I knew that a vibrant smile brightened my face as I thought about it. “Yes.” “I know how much you love it out there.” She came over to lean down and hug me. “Just be careful sweetheart. And remember-” “Never turn into a wolf.” I said the familiar words with her. Knowing that my pronunciation was probably not right because I had not learned to properly say them from hearing others. Don’t be outside too long. Don’t go too far. Don’t talk to anyone. Don’t let them see you, they may try to hurt you. I replayed all the things she’d told me over the years. The endless stream of worry that often emerged from her mouth when I wanted to leave the shack. I knew she was always anxious when I left. Sometimes I wished I wasn’t so broken. *** It was many moons later, countless days spent on new adventures with boy, when fate decided to intervene in my life. It was a sunny day. Warm with only the faintest breeze to kiss along my cheeks. As if the heavens had reached straight down and dropped it into my pack, in human form. Solely for me to find. And from that moment, I would be forever changed. Fate came to me in the form of a woman. ‘The Spark’, to be specific. That’s what they called her anyway. It started because I had gone to the ravine and waited hours for Boy to meet me there. He never came. Then I had remembered how morose his voice had sounded when he said goodbye yesterday, so I believed he had tried to tell me he couldn’t make it today because of something happening within the pack.  I had been so curious as to what would keep him away that I couldn’t resist creeping deeper into camp. I won’t bother him. I just want to see what is so important he can’t come be with me. I chewed my cheek, clutching the partial loaf of bread I’d stolen from the shack in hope of sharing with him as I peered around the corner of a structure to see the jumble of movement nearby. That was when some of the other pack pups had spotted me. “What is that!” One boy cried. The next thing I knew a rock had struck me in the head. “It’s a monster!” A couple girls squealed in horror. “It’s scary! Look at its eyes!” A younger pup wailed. More rocks soon followed. I hurried away. Running so fast that I tripped over a root and crawled much of the way. I heard them behind me. Another rock struck me in the back. “Please! Stop!” I wailed. “It talks funny!” More rocks followed. I looked up and saw the looming outline of a huge building. I couldn’t see anything further away so I stood to run along the wall, fumbling until I found a handle. I slid it open a crack and slipped in. I was small, thin and short so I didn’t need much space to disappear. I hurried into an empty stall. Despite the smell of horses and sheep I hid there. Cowering against the wall for fear that the pups would find me again. And hurl more of their rocks. Blood oozed down through my hair and dripped on one of my shoulders. The spots where those rocks had hit me stung, but nowhere near as much as the emotional pain I endured at knowing they would hate the sight of me so much that they would harm me. I was awash in my hopelessness. I sat in there trembling. Worried that my mother’s worst fears would come true. She had always believed my life would be cut short, either by wolves that refused to accept me in their pack or by the malady that had always made me less than the other wolves. It would be dreadfully sad to die alone in this stable. And to let down the one person that wanted me to live more than any other. Despite that even she had little faith in the prospect. I reached up to touch my ringing head and looked down at the red smears coating my fingers. I was drawn from my thoughts when I heard the door crack open a little further and the thump of someone stumbling into the wall next to me. I cowered behind a high mound of hay. Trying to tuck my small frame fully from view as I saw a shadow near the opening of the stable. Still, the woman spotted me. I think it was the partial loaf of bread I was clutching that drew her to me. She put a hand on the horse leaning over from the next stall and peered around his long neck to see me crouched behind the hay. For a moment my heart dropped. Until she whispered, “Might I hide with you?” I was struck by the sweetness in her voice. And the echoing loneliness I felt rising from her. She’s sad. Like me. “Y-yes...” I said hesitantly. Hugging the bread tighter as if it might protect me if she changed her mind and moved to hurt me. She crowded into that corner of the stall with me. I moved to scoot over and nearly bumped her shoulder. She jerked away as though I had the pack plague. The hurt must’ve shown on my face. “My illness is not contagious.” I had a hard time pronouncing the words, they weren’t ones my mother used beyond when she read to me. Having not heard it said a lot, I wanted to get right because I had the urge to impress this woman. Perhaps it was her hair that made her seem so striking to me. It was a startling copper shade, a color unlike any I’d ever seen before.   “It’s not that.” She leaned to whisper to me secretively. “ I am contagious. You mustn’t touch me. Never touch me.” She shook her head solemnly. There was so much severity in her voice that I had to take her seriously. I chewed my cheek skeptically. “Truly.” She reassured. “It’s not you little one. It is I, that is not whole...I am a Spark, you see?” “Spark?” I tried to peer at her. Overwhelmed with curiosity. “But that is not your name?” “No.” She said slowly, impressed. “Most don’t care about my true name.” At first the term didn’t mean much to me. Not at the time. I’d heard the lore and mother had spoken of what a Spark could do, so I had some idea. But no firsthand experience at that time.   I understood that there were few beings that carried Spark blood. And even fewer that ever developed the power to trigger one’s beast into a frenzy. But a pure, true, Spark was something incredibly rare. With one touch she could bring monster blood to the fore and force any creature to change into its purest form. It was a fascinating legend. I’d always imagined that speaking of the Spark was like speaking of my father. It was done, quietly, reverently, and only in dark corners where others couldn’t overhear. The difference was that I understood what Fury, the original wolf, was. Mother had spoken of him as if he were the greatest creature to walk through Ferus. Which had always left me wondering why he had never come looking to see if I had been born. She said she didn’t tell him she had a daughter but didn’t he want to see what she had given birth to? Or did he just not want me? That always made my heart fall. Mother refused to elaborate on it. I could tell it pained her to talk about it. But I would’ve loved to know more about the curse that had taken an average wolf and given him the power to take human form. While in the same breath, prohibiting him from ever siring a daughter. Mother believed that was what made me the way I am. Because I was never supposed to be to begin with. All of that combined to make me a very lonely adolescent wolf. Unable to bear that sense of isolation, this morning, I had crept too close to the pack in my longing to be near Boy. I’d just wanted to spend a moment with him. To share some bread and maybe see where he lived. That terrible curiosity was what had landed me here. Hiding in this stable from pups that throw rocks at me. With her…

Secret Waters The wind in this perfect little canyon rustled through the trees around me and this boy. Shaking their branches and showering crackling leaves over me. I saw the shades of gray and rust foliage, only when they were close enough to land directly on my face. Tickling my cheeks with their rough edges. I giggled. We didn’t stop moving. Even with those coming down around me, he kept us surging forward. My feet found the next step and the next. Soon, I caught the faint click of cracking twigs and knew he was leading me around those that were big enough to require stepping over. With his help I temporarily felt what it would be like to navigate the world, able to see. And hear… I imagined that this is how the world would always seem, if I could perceive it the way he does. But I wanted to enjoy the moment. I was happy with him. And I was sure running with him ahead of me was the closest I could get to flying. I’m always free of my restraints when I’m with him. I didn’t have to be locked away in the shadows and kept from view of the other wolves. I didn’t have to worry about what would happen if they stumbled across me. Boy wouldn’t let that happen. He always took care of me. He always sensed anyone coming and showed me where we could hide together. Then he would let me know when it was safe to come out. He always takes care of me…This boy. At least I think that’s what he is.  I realized I didn’t know for sure. But the usual signs were there that told me he wasn’t female. His breaths were noticeably deeper than mine, and his hand felt callused. Strong. And larger than mine. Though not by much. He was guiding me so fast down the hillside that I got to feel what it felt like to run. A hint of what it would be like to run through the forest as a wolf. Even though I never will. I would only ever run in this form. And only when he was my eyes and ears. “There you are.” I greeted him as I always did. *** The boy and I were both young. Having only seen a couple moons. He always knew he could find me here when the sun was highest, if it was a day that mother let me out. This ravine was always where we met. And he always comes. I knew. As if he could somehow sense when I left the shack. Except the one time. Pain rushed through me as I remembered that awful day. I knew he was afraid of them seeing him with me because the only time he had ever not come to play with me here, was when there were other children from the pack already playing here. No. I won’t think about that day. I promised myself. I pushed all thoughts of that one lonely day aside as I focused on this moment as we reached the bottom we hurried through the trees. I threw my head back and laughed, watching the gold and brown leaves land on my face. I ran the path he set for us. I trusted him unquestioningly. “How do you always know when I’m here?” I heard a muffled sound that might have been him speaking but with the wind in the trees it was impossible for me to focus on a voice. I couldn’t understand what he said. That was okay though. We didn’t need to talk to have fun. I could just make out his hazy outline, slightly taller than me as he tossed leaves into the air. Throwing them over me. I shook my face into them. Loving the way the dry bits brushed over my face like tiny fingertips. I knew some were getting stuck in my hair and I was sure to get in trouble, but I didn’t care. Not right now. Nothing else matters right now. I lived in this moment with him. When I was with him, I only cared about playing. Like he does every day. Because I was a broken pup, none of the other children would play with me. Which meant I was always alone. Except for when I’m here. He grabbed my hand in his again and we ran further through the bottom of the ravine. I heard a faint rumbling around me and knew what it was when he led me to my knees on the ground. I wasn’t surprised when he dunked my fingers into a freezing creek. I yelped and retracted my hand, stunned by the cold. It’s freezing! I shot him a betrayed look. Widening my foggy eyes and gaping at him in sheer horror. I heard a ticking sound that I recognized as his particular laugh. I knew those notes. Four low ticks with some reverberations between. Then he’d quiet. It’s always the same. I smiled. Because I knew he was. He splashed his hand through the water and flung it toward me. Showering me with icy drops. I threw my hands up to shield myself, giggling as I tried to duck away. He stole my hand to help me up. Keeping me close to him as we took off in a run again. Going further down the ravine than I remembered us ever doing before. I was laughing with abandon, my glee mounting. Even though I knew straying this far would surely get me in trouble I couldn’t bring myself to care when I felt this alive. He reached up and caught the back of my head, leading it downward to get me to duck. I felt the brush of something hard above me ruffling bits of my hair and I recognized the chilly feeling of stone under my other hand. We’re under a rock. I realized. I was careful to follow his lead exactly as he showed me how. I dutifully did as he bid without a word. There was a wild swish of the wind before it abruptly stopped. The grove silenced and there was only the vibration in the ground from the rushing water of the river he’d shown me. Even that was in the distance now. We moved forward until he stopped us again. I used my senses to the best of my ability. Ping. Ping. That repeated tap was steady. It was the only thing I could perceive now. It was the sheer absence of all other sound and the chilly air that told me we were in a cave. I didn’t know there was a cave so close to home. I was already fascinated. I wished I could smell better. All I could catch was the stinging scent of something acrid. Though I was sure many animals had come and gone from here. There are probably a million stories of the creatures that once lived here…If only I could smell like the other wolves. He said something. One short word and he tugged my hand. We walked slower, his step became more careful. Now everything had grown even blacker now than it usually was. Which made me think that this place was absent any light. And judging by how carefully he moved, there must not have been any refracting light to catch in his wolf’s gaze. Unless he’s not a wolf.  I had always assumed he was. Not many creatures would dare to draw this close to pack territory if they weren’t. Still, I was forever curious about him. The nature of being unable to see or hear him. I supposed. I was forever curious about everyone. But I was sure that I occasionally heard his paws approaching. Sometimes I even caught the faint, musky scent of fur and animal. Which made me more certain. He’s a wolf. He led me through the stone corridors until we reached a place where the walls seemed to peel open further, and the scent of sulfur stung my dulled senses. Revealing that we were deeper in the cave. He caught my wrist and guided it me something that luminesced a light blue. Somehow bright in the impossible blackness. I put an arm up to block my face, finding it almost painful after so much darkness. This time, when my hand brushed the surface of water, I was stunned by the warmth of it. It felt nearly like skin, it was so warm. And it was somehow thick, still. Beckoning me to press my hand in further. I sighed in bliss as I delved my arm further in. I could see the lights forming around my shoulder. They seemed to brighten from within the water but still couldn’t reach the darkest corners of this stone chamber. As if they only brightened for us. How is that possible? I wondered in fascination. I blinked several times but the white haze at the border of my gaze blocked everything but what was directly before me. And even that was merely shadows. I heard that tick, tick, tick, tick of his laughter. Those four low notes I knew so well. I dunked my other arm and made another contented sound. Even happier by the warmth along both. He stood next to me. Allowing me time to enjoy the soothing caress of the water. “I wish I could see it.” There were rumbling notes I thought I could almost tell were words, but the slight slosh of the water masked them. I concentrated harder and still couldn’t tell what he said as he murmured something else. I just want to hear him. I yearned for it so badly.   My heart was beginning to pound quicker with the frustration of not being able to. I chewed my cheek and went back to looking at the water. Wanting to focus on how good the water felt. I could feel bones beginning to move under my skin. Even feel the unfurling of the familiar creature inside me. Trying to bloom. Like a flower whose center yearned for the sunlight but it was too weak and deformed to ever emerge. Still, it longed for a peek. But like all things about me, it was restrained by the weakness of my human body. I knew what would happen if I tried to give in to its yearning. The boy must’ve been able to tell. He put a hand on my shoulder. Comforting me. I gave him a pained look. “I can’t change. Or the others will come kill me because I’m broken.” He caught my head in his youthful hands and began petting my hair from front to back until all the racing of my heart calmed and the beast in me was lulled back into slumber. I almost felt bad for that part of me. Like me, it just wants to see, to hear, to feel. At least I get to feel... She, the thing inside me, had never once gotten to breathe her own air or feel her body. The few times I’d tried to let her she’d made it to just under my skin but she could never climb past that. I could feel her twisted limbs trying to change my legs and her disjointed jaw trying to push through my mouth, but she was never strong enough to manage it. It was painful. And it was sad. Frustrated with myself, I grunted and pulled my arms out of the water. Shoulders slumping and arms drooping as I faced him, unable to hide that I was so forlorn. I heard more muttered tones that told me he was speaking to me again. “I wish I could hear you!” I said desperately. What is he saying? I would’ve loved to know what he had to say to me. I was sure that whatever he wanted to talk about would’ve been just as fascinating as he was. In response to my comment, I heard the familiar tick, tick, tick, tick. He’s laughing at me. “I bet this place is so beautiful!” I bemoaned the fact that I couldn’t see it. I heard one long hum and recognized it as a sound that I often heard. Someone agreeing with me. That means it is beautiful. I sighed wistfully. I knew it.

Copyright © 2025 by KKSdarkerotica All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. SUMMARY: There was a significant problem with being the sole surviving daughter of Fury, the first werewolf. He was never intended to have daughters; pure-blooded wolves were not meant to exist—only those whose lineage had been tainted with human blood.However, I was born as exactly that. Which meant that upon reaching adulthood, every male in all of the Free Woods of Ferus sought to make me their mate.Yet, there was only one male I desired. The one who held my hand before anyone knew who I was—when I only had the eyes of a blind wolf pup. Now things have changed and I have a bigger problem.  As soon as my vision cleared, he melted into the crowd, refusing to show himself. But I will recognize him. It won’t be long now.The time for me to choose my own mate is slipping away. The Mating Moon is on the rise, and my scent is more pronounced—designed to attract them all, no matter where I go nor who I want. 01 - A Hand I stood on the elevated platform, next to the Gallions Alpha of all people, as he proudly announced that I was pride of the pack. Many of the alpha’s guard were at our back. I felt sure that they were there to keep me from fleeing. I looked around, paralyzed shock. My legs felt weak and I thought I might vomit. Everyone was cheering, but I hardly knew any of these wolves. Their faces were unrecognizable to me. I had grown parallel to them, but I did not know these people. My heart raced and I fought the overwhelming urge to run. How the hell did I end up here? Countless faces stared at me expectantly. They all thought they would witness me declaring who I would have for a mate tonight. I was wondering how I’d even make it through the evening. All of these festivities were in my honor yet all I felt was out of place.  In one breathtaking instant I had become the most breedable female amidst my pack. From nothing to everything… As I stood there, all I could do was yearn for that one face amongst all the others. I need him.  I thought. Yearning for the one male that had always taken care of me. My hand lifted and I was already reaching for his comfort as I scanned the crowd. But I can’t tell who he is! I was distracted from my desperately searching scan by a pair of the most hateful eyes I had ever seen. The dark male’s face was twisted into disgust. I could feel the rage rolling off him as if it made the she-wolf in me cower deep into my body. Afraid to face him. It’s the alpha power burning in his blood. How could anyone not react to it? I wondered. Grasping at every bit of my will in order to just that.   The Gallions alpha’s son had a primal essence. And volatile.  I thought as he lowered his head to eye me. I did my best not to shrink as I met that gaze. Refusing to blink or waver. You do not scare me.  I conveyed in that stare despite all I was feeling. I am the daughter of Fury. I will not cower before you! *** I had always suspected that I was named for what my mother had felt the exact moment she had looked upon my face after my birth. Devastation. She said it was the name my father had chosen for a daughter, should he ever have one. ‘Because she will devastate the world.’ I wasn’t sure what that meant. What I did understand, was that I was born with the blue eyes, dulled ears and a far dimmed version of the senses that every other wolf pup possessed. Which meant that I couldn’t possibly imagine how my fate was going to end up. I had no idea what I would become then…I’ll do the best I can to explain to you the ugliness of my world in those earliest days. The unfortunate fact of my heritage was that I was sired by the one wolf that was never intended to spawn a daughter. Yet, beyond all odds, I was somehow conceived. It was a wonder which had constantly puzzled me. Especially since there seemed to be perilously little meaning to my young life. My limitations hindered me in ways that held me back from experiencing the world. Which meant that I could not be permitted to be in the company of other wolves in the pack because of the danger they might hold for me. Not something easy for a wolf pup to understand. Yet, I was the only pureblood female wolf in all of Ferus. Meaning that I was the only daughter of the original wolf. I carried the original wolf blood in my veins. A fact which is wasted since I am of no use to anyone.  I thought sorrowfully as I sat in my room, peering out the window and letting the wind brush along my face. Perhaps being a wolf with dulled senses was unusual but in a young one like me, especially a wolf which should be able to fend for itself by my age, it could mean that my death lay around any corner. Thus, I had to be alone more often than not. Save for my mother, who was the centerpiece of my world. Together we lived in the isolated shack on the edge of the Gallions pack territory. Barely under the protection of the alpha, and clearly outcast from the pack. Though, my mother often told me how lucky we were that the alpha had taken us in at all. ‘Because no other wolf would dare infringe on Gallions’s territory.’  Or so she had always reiterated to me. Despite that we didn’t fit with the other wolves, mother had made herself invaluable to the pack by becoming the healer. I had spent many a day peering over the edge of the table, trying to make out what she was crushing, peeling or pouring so that I might one day learn. And hope that I never become food for the rest of the pack. I was too weak to do anything else. But the fact that I was almost completely blind made it unlikely that I’d even be able to learn that. Other wolves steered clear of our hut, thinking my mother a witch. I knew they feared her. She’d told me that they were afraid because there were rumors, she was a fey from a faraway realm. “Is that true?” I had asked her. She had only smiled in response. Which made me suspect that it was. Still, to me, she was only my mother. Beautiful. Weary and ever on edge. Waiting for the moment that my life will end. My chest ached, knowing that. And my father… I had asked her once if I could meet him. She’d told me I could not. She’d said he would be heartbroken to learn of me if something happened to me. She would not be able to bear losing me and having to tell him such terrible news. I understood that to mean that my life was too tenuous to inform him about. Even she didn’t wholly believe I’d survive into adulthood. She didn’t want to break his heart, she said. She loves him.  Even so young, I was aware of it. She didn’t speak of him often, but when she did, it was with reverence. Which made me want to meet him even more. Though I knew nothing about him save that he was the original wolf. Someday, I will.  I promised myself. “Time for bed.” Mother announced in her voice. Though it came in and out and sounded like it emerged from far away, I recognized the notes as hers. Though when I looked at her in my doorway, I saw only a silhouette. I laid down. As she tucked me in, I blurted the question burning my brain lately. “Why do you think I may not live?” She looked brokenly down at me. “I’ve told you, my love.” She brushed the sickly strands of hair back from my face. “The legends said that he would never have a direct female descendant. I pray you are the miracle I think you are, and you will one day prove your strength to the world.” As always, her words came from far away. Fading in and out. I had to concentrate very hard to hear her. And I had to wait for everything else around me to quiet so I could focus on her broken words in order to fill in the gaps. “Is that why I cannot see?” I whispered at length, once I thought I understood what she’d said. I looked imploringly at her foggy outline, trying to define even the slightest feature. “I think so.” She caught my small hand between hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Why do you seem so worried?” Her movements were jerky and her grip a bit too tight. “One day you will be of age for the Mating Moon and I don’t know what will happen.” She confessed. “Why?” “Because of who you are, my precious girl. And because you cannot fend for yourself.” She added anxiously. “I’m safe with you, mama.” “I will keep you safe as long as I can.” She looked away as she warned me. “But you must learn to do whatever is necessary to protect yourself.” “To fight?” “To fight like a wild animal. Will you learn that for me?” She turned her head back toward me and I felt her eyes, though I couldn’t discern them. I nodded. Keeping my huge, foggy white-blue eyes on her as I bobbed my small round face. Promising to do my best. It was only a few moons later that we started my training. I only stood up to her thigh, but I was ready. I want to learn. I want her to not worry so much. That desire gave me strength. Learning to fight wasn’t easy for a wolf that was mostly blind and nearly deaf. *** The sun was hot on my skin, beaming through the window to brush over my skin as mother punched toward me.  Telling me that it was high in the sky. It’s time.  I knew. Even though I could hardly perceive the light. I felt the motion of the air she disturbed as he moved to hit me. I automatically blocked it before moving out of the way. Then I turned to expect the other fist. I blocked that one too. “Good.” Mother declared automatically. “Well done.” Only after my rigorous efforts today, did I dare ask for what I had been longing for since I’d awakened this morning. “Mama?” “Yes, my daughter?” “May I go play?” She was giving me a break from training as she collected the broom and set about wandering the shack to sweep the dust. She was quiet and thoughtful. Which told me there was much on her mind today. She cleans more sporadically when she’s worried. That was who my mother was. She could go from rigorous  sweating and training with me to the nurturing caregiver, in seconds. “Yes.” She said off-handedly. Before hastily adding. “But no further than the square rock.” Always the square rock.  I slumped at hearing her say it. She never let me get any closer to the center of the wolf camp than the square rock. I paused to glance at her but didn’t acknowledge her words, knowing I intended to go just beyond it. As I often did. In my excitement, I hardly noticed that I had slammed the door too hard behind me. Again. I hurried forward, reaching out both hands as I counted my steps up the hill. After fourteen steps I reached to my left and felt the corner of the large, familiar, boulder. The one mother dubbed ‘square rock.’ A few more steps and I reached out a toe to feel the steep incline before me. Once I was sure where I was, I breathed in a long whistle, barely more than a breath. But I knew he would hear it. I waited for the wind to stop so I would have one moment of perfect hearing. Or perfect as mine gets, anyway. Then the moment I had been waiting for came. Silence . I stood with my hands out and just as I’d have taken a step, I heard the panting breaths of a wolf behind me. The pad of his quiet steps sifting through leaves. Swishing them around as if a tiny breeze danced through them. And just when I’d have stepped onto that slope, a hand caught around mine. Warm fingers, gripping mine confidently just as I would’ve stepped over the edge of the ridge. That hand guided me down the steep angle and through the blurred shapes of trees, at the same pace he moved. For this moment, he was teaching me to fly. Only this moment. I reminded myself.

Hate Me Then

Right Where I Want You

197 This Moment

MINE

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28 Conversations with Old Captains

For the Holiday

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